“Couples who play together, stay together!”
As a married couple living together, you are now officially each others life-long PLAY mates. How cool is that! Set PLAY goals early on and create a culture of PLAY that becomes the norm rather than the exception. Have PLAY dates, adventure weekends, try each others hobbies and set a physical challenge to conquer together. This will ensure that together you thrive at your health as individuals and also nurture your marriage. Have FUN with it.
Sex Begins in the Kitchen
First, while men focus on sex, women focus on relationship. In fact, women often find it very difficult to be interested in sex after an argument. Ironically, men often think that sex will solve whatever relationship problems exist. Realistically, after an argument, apologies and forgiveness should come before the experience of ‘making love’. Another reality for many women is that sex begins in the kitchen, not in the bedroom.
In other words, if you’ve taken the time to understand and speak each others love languages and your husband speaks your love language of acts of service by washing the dishes and taking out the garbage, this may be a sexual turn-on for you. Similarly, if words of affirmation are your love language, complimenting you on a meal or on how beautiful you look will stir the desire for intimacy. Communicate with your husband about whatever makes you feel special and bedroom-ready since it’s all a learning experience for both parties who genuinely desire to please each other.
The second difference is that, to most women, the warm up is more important than the act of intercourse itself. It is the tender touches and kisses of foreplay that bring her to the point of desiring sex.
It’s Not Meant to be Like the Movies
Third, mutual sexual satisfaction does not require simultaneous climax. Contrary to modern movies, couples rarely have a simultaneous climax.
More Than Just Physical
Fourth, sex is more than intercourse. It is the union of male and female in body, soul, and spirit. Sex is so much more than just a physical act. It is designed to be an exclusive bonding experience that unites a lifelong intimate relationship. Cultivate an emotionally healthy marriage and you’ll cultivate a healthy physical marriage too. Bring on the horizontal PLAY.
Communication is Key
Fifth, communication is the key that unlocks sexual fulfillment. Listening to your husband with empathy helps you to discover what he’s thinking and feeling and how to best serve him in the act of horizontal PLAY.
Name The Past
The sixth thing that’s important to know is that the past never remains in the past. As much as rehashing ‘old territory’ is not advisable on a regular basis, I believe it’s important to share your sexual history with your fiancé or husband. If knowing the truth about past sexual experiences is difficult for either party, then work through these issues together until you come to a place of healing and acceptance. Don’t hesitate to seek the support of a counselor.
Discuss the six areas listed above with your partner and consider how it affects your horizontal PLAY. If you’re after quality resources on the topic check out: ‘Sheet Music: Uncovering the secrets of sexual intimacy in marriage’ – Kevin Leman or ‘The Gift of Sex: A guide to sexual fulfilment’ by Clifford and Joyce Penner.